Monday November 2, 2009: A Letter

Song on Repeat: "Coyotes" by Jason Mraz
Mood: spazzy

Dear [Mystery Boy],
I know that I haven't talked about you for a while on here, but lately we've been talking again so I feel that I need to discuss you.
I feel like it's impossible for us to be just friends. Every time we talk, it makes me feel all happy and smiley, and then I remember that you have a girlfriend and I get annoyed. Why do you act like that? I know it's just you. I know that I shouldn't like you. I definitely like someone else, that's why I was in such a great mood today. But I like you! As a friend, clearly. It just bothers me. How we talk, and I feel so close. We want to hang out and then get excited because we're going to, and I have to keep reminding myself that it's just as friends.
You've always been like this. Before, it seemed like we had a chance. Last year, the last time we officially saw each other. But then, we grew apart. We were busy, and you had your girlfriend. Not that I knew. You never officially told me. But I guessed, assumed, and was told. And you're still together, as far as I know. And you still haven't told me about it.
I'm not going to let us spread apart like last time. You're a really good friend. No matter what other friends say from what I've told them about you. They say you're a bad boy. And maybe you are, but it's not my business. As your friend, yes. If something happens, I'll tell you it's bad. But it's not like you're doing anything really bad. We're teenagers! We get in trouble, but we don't do really stupid things. Not something that would really hurt us. Especially not me..
I want to see you, friend. You mean a lot to me. It just drives me crazy how we act around each other sometimes. I don't know.
This was pointless, wasn't it?

Peace, Magic, and Music,

~*Me*~

Saturday October 31, 2009: This is Halloween (Among Other Things)

Song on Repeat: "This is Halloween" by Marilyn Manson

Mood: tired, neutral

"This is Halloween, everybody make a scene

Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright

It's our town, everybody scream

In this town of Halloween

I am the one hiding under your bed

Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red"

The day has arrived! The creepiest day of the year, where fear and terror are not uncommon, and the borders between this reality and the next are blurred.

Creepy shadows slinking around, and goblins hiding behind bushes, waiting to jump out at you if you don't walk fast enough. Vampires not as nice as Edward Cullen sniffing the air for the scent of your blood.

I love Halloween.

(A pumpkin at the place where we picked them. I really liked it, so I took a picuture, even though I got a different one).

I might not even go trick or treating this year though! I don't have anyone to go with, so I might just stay home and watch Ghost Hunters Live. Or some scary movie.

Speaking of which, House on Haunted Hill was on the other day, and I watched it and it was dumb. Not scary at all. Not really anything supernatural that I saw until the end, when the "ghost" thing came, and that was crappy effects. Return to House on Haunted Hill was on after that and I didn't bother watching. The beginning was stupid, so I just switched over to That 70's Show and M*A*S*H. I've recently started watching That 70's Show and Degrassi. I like them. I'd watched Degrassi a while ago, like a long time, and I liked it, (granted that was back in elementary school, so it was like you didn't really understand the stuff going on anyway).

Did anybody watch back then? Like the guy got his girlfriend pregnant and then he started doing drugs, and like passed out at the place where he got the drugs? I don't even know. But does anyone have any idea about that, like what happened in the episodes after that? Just out of curiosity.

Yeah.

Tonight, I might just trick or treat in the little court near our house and then hand out candy and watch scary movies at our house. Of course, we have a big hill as a driveway so we'll probably only get a couple people coming. Whatever, at least I'll get a little candy. And I'll get to watch some more scary movies. I don't really get scared from them, I just don't like the gory stuff. But house on Haunted Hill's stuff like that was dumb, you could tell it was so fake so it didn't bother me.

Anyways, so I'll give you a little update on my life as I've been lazy and haven't posted lately.

The people I sit at lunch with came over on Thursday and we watched Star Wars 6, and hung out outside. It was really fun. I love my friends.

Poor Tom was a senior guy, and the rest of us were freshmen and softmore girls. But he loves us, haha, so it was alright.

And besides that, I gave someone a Katie Therapy Session. Ya know, I think I'm good at that. The whole "and how does that make you feel?" thing. And getting people to explain how and why they feel a certain way about something in their life without just straight out asking about it. And it feels good, to be helping your friends, and maybe other people.

And also, I got my braces off on Thursday!!!!!!!

Lovely, right? I took that on the bus. It must have been on Friday. And then my friend Maddie messed with my hair. I actually liked how it looked, she's going to do it again Monday morning on the bus for school, I'm kinda excited.

And other than that, we played at the football game last night. It was really fun!

I ended up sitting next to my friend Justin and talking to him, my friend Sean, and a bass drummer named Dante who I'd never spoken to until last night.

Anyways, we were discussing....my love life, and some bizarre stuff going on with Jason (yeah, you may get details later) and it was just really fun.

I never really talked about Justin before on here. He's a senior who also plays trumpet in marching band (and regular bands, but you know).

On the first or second day of rookie camp last spring, the veterans in each section were paired with a rookie to teach them how to march, take their first step, yeah.

Well I ended up with Justin, and we just kinda....clicked. And we've been close friends ever since. It's hard to believe how long we've been friends. He's dating my friend Kay, so that's cool, and um yeah. He's one of those people that I say knows everything about everything. That's why I love being friends with the older people, they're like guardians and stuff, to explain things, help you, and lead you in the right direction. Not that Sam[my section leader] doesn't do that, but he's been, erm, shall I say busy with other things lately? And Justin and I just kinda end up together. We're both going to be sad when he graduates at the end of the school year.

So now apparently I have to go teach Sister Dearest how to put on eyeliner. Ay caramba.

Happy Halloween! (Or as Aleks would say, "scary Haloween!").

Peace, Magic, and Music,

~*Me*~

Sunday October 25, 2009: The End

Song on Repeat: "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie

Mood: remembering, excited

"If heaven and hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the no's

on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your sould embarks,

Then I'll follow you into the dark."

So, as I've known would happen since May, yesterday the "official" marching band season ended.

With the season came many things.

You learn about yourself. (My friend Trevor and I)You learn who your true friends are. (waiting for the buses yesterday morning)

You work harder than you've ever worked before.You laugh and cry.

You sweat until you're about to keel over and die.

People see you at your absolute worst, and on the highest of natural highs.

The band is like a family. When one person is hurt, everyone is affected. When one person cries, everyone tries to make them feel better.

"Breathe together, play together."

"From the waist up you're a musician, from the waist up, you're an athlete." (And nothing could be more true).

You work so hard for six months, pushing yourself to your physical and mental limits. When you think you can't possibly go on, you push yourself to and you do it.

You win the awards, or you don't. (One of my medals from our last regional competition like two weeks ago or whatever).

Your instruments become friends. (My trumpet and my friend Shannon's clarinet....hi Shannon! haha). (By the way, this is an actual picture. I just used a camera effect on it).

Then, you do one last competition, one last show, and it's over. Just like that. (Our drum majors. My stupid phone doesn't have zoom).

Yesterday after we were done, walking back to the buses to change and watch awards, I started crying, and I still was during awards, just not so much. Even though we got a 96, which is obviously a crazy high score. Because my best friend, Michael, is graduating this year, and that was the last show he would do with us. This was his last season.

Everyone was asking what was wrong and I couldn't even say it. He noticed today that it really is over. It's his senior year, and this was his last season, and he said it made him sad too.

Band is like a family.

Even though people may hate it, threaten to push the directors off the scissor lift, and throw up in the grass during water breaks, it's hard to imagine life without band. All the free time out of nowhere....well, it's not completely over. We have a couple small things left, but the competition season is over.

Well, I'm off to change clothes.

Peace, Magic, and Music,

~*Me*~

Sunday October 18, 2009: The Dance, Returns, and Lately....

Song on Repeat: "Pain" by Three Days Grace

Mood: Tired

"Pain, without love,

Pain, can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

Yes, I survived the homecoming dance last night. Be proud.

I didn't freak when I saw Aleks and my friend together.

I didn't cry (although I wanted to) when Andrew [the Drum Major] didn't win homecoming king. (However I did run up to him about two minutes after they made the announcement, gave him several hugs, and told him that he was always going to be my favorite anyways. He said that it was ok, because he didn't find out right when they made the announcement, he already knew. So I gave him another hug and walked away).

I didn't lose my mind when Sean told me that the person that I may or not like had a date for the dance (although he was with his friends the whole time, not a girl at all....not that I would know *hem hem*)

I didn't fall over when my knee started hurting really bad.

I didn't dance with a guy.

I did however have lots of fun messing around with my friends, and watching the other people dance. I space out so bad, I end up staring around watching other people "dance"* which is always an, erm, interesting experience.

So it wasn't all that bad. I was tired when it ended, but fairly happy I went. Nothing really big happened.

here are some pictures of me....

Trying on my dress on Friday.

Before the dance with makeup and straightened hair. (yeah, it's a bit blurry and there's a glare from the light).

After the dance.

I really really wish Andrew had won homecoming king, but whatever. He's still my favorite anyways. ;-) What can I say? He's my bff, haha. Drum major. One of the coolest people I've ever met. Yup.

So anyways, some odd stuff has been going down the last week....well, the past couple days.

I talked to Jason for four hours on Friday! I mean sheesh, who saw the one coming?! Certainly not me, and I was the one talking to him!

He wanted to see my dress for the dance because I told him I was dress shopping, so I sent him the picture from before the dance yesterday and, shock, he didn't say anything back. Whatever. And he's planning to come to a football game to see me (and the band) so we shall see if that actually happens. (For the record, the game is November 6....remember that).

And then last night, of course, I saw Aleks because he was at the dance with my friend, because he's her boyfriend.

Yes, it was weird. No, I didn't freak out.

I hugged my friend, and then Aleks gave me a big hug because we never get to see each other. And him and my friend Kayla were giving each other looks because Kayla rather hates him because of all the crap that went down months ago, all that drama, and he was giving her looks because she gave him looks. Yeah. It was interesting.

But it freaked me out how these people I just end up talking to and seeing after not talking to/seeing them for a while. It was interesting. I'm friends with them both of course. That hasn't changed. Now all that needs to happen is like Nathan showing up at my house out of nowhere or calling me or something, and I will have official proof that something bizarre is going on with the world.

Of course, it is October, the month of mystery, suspense, weirdness, and all around creepiness. So what do you expect? I mean really.

My advice is still to read scary books, watch horror movies, and then snuggle under the covers when you're starting to fall asleep.

Lately, I've been going crazy with my desire to read something out of my immense Fear Street series collection by R.L. Stine. He's one of my favorite authors, although pretty much all the Fear Street plots are the same. But I love them anyways. And I own/have read about half of them, and the Goosebumps series as well. Well, actually, I've read about half or more of the total books he's ever written. I've been reading them for a really long time. He's the reason I'm terrified of ventriloquist dummies.

His books sometimes creep me out, but not always. They're the perfect length so that they only take about an hour to read, maybe more, maybe less. Pretty much perfect.

Any scary story is good though. I have a Stephen King book that I've had for a while and have only read a couple pages of. I should read that. And then there are just a couple books that my Aunt Lisa was getting rid of that I took, so I should get to those at some point. But they aren't scary. And I also have to finish Anne of Avonlea. I absolutely loved Anne of green Gables and I love Anne of Avonlea so far too. I'm almost done, so I can't wait to finish it!

For the record, I have been reading some RL Stine. I just finished 2 new books, and I have one more that I've had for a while and never read, so I need to get on that.

I have so many scary books, there's no short supply of them. October is the perfect time to be reading them.

Anybody want to get an idea of a book they should read, or give a reccomendation, by all means leave a comment and tell me.

Check out these pictures of my hand that I took a couple minutes ago. I like the color effects, they make the hands kinda creepy looking.

So I'm off to finish watching my Ravens!!!!

Peace, Magic, and Music,

~*Me*~

*OK, am I the only one that think people don't actually dance anymore? I mean really, what people are doing doesn't hardly qualify as dancing, at freaking all. It just bothers me a little. Let's say this....Anyone who dates me has to be ok with the fact that

-I will never "dance" like that, like every other girl in the universe with a date does

-I run around for at least 5 minutes on a football field or the e-lot of my school with spit dripping down my face, and not wiping it off or even thinking about wiping it off

-I have to find the beat of the music and the time signiture to dance to it. And by the way, I'm an awful dancer.

So....anybody up for the winter formal? ;-)

Wednesday October 14, 2009: Annoyances

Song on Repeat: "Lucy" by Skillet
Mood: tired, irritated
"Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me"

Sorry that it's been a while since I posted. I've been busy, lazy, and tired.
Lots of junk has been going on.
Before I get into all my ranting, etc....
WE WON OUR REGIONAL ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
How sweet is that?! I'm still really happy about it, although the excitement has worn down because I've been so busy and stuff.

OK, so I've been so irritated by things lately, more so than usual. Hormones? Or just irritation? or what?
*sigh*
Anyways.
Well one main thing is the whole relationships thing. It's been driving me freaking crazy. Walking down the hallway, couples holding hands. At football games, or even at the powderpuff football game, people together. Everywhere. It's driving me crazy. Especially today, I'm not sure why, but it just hit me how much it annoyed me.
My friend and someone who I have lots of respect for are flirting constantly, and it's finally driven me too far. I'm not really sure why. But I give them dirty looks whenever they're together, and of course they never notice, because they're too busy focusing on each other.
GAH!
I've been saying that they're not the type of people you'd imagine ending up together. You would expect one to get annoyed by the other, and the other to not go for someone like the other person. So I'm annoyed at them. And so are several other people.
Obviously, I'm not going into detail here (even though I desprately want to), but you get the idea. Probably.
It's just driving me crazy to see all the stupid freaking happy couples around me, and me walking through them, grinding my teeth, narrowing my eyes, and giving them all dirty looks.
I can't help it!
That stuff has always bothered me. It's just irritating, especially when it's freaking everywhere you go, and you can't avoid it, no matter how hard you try.
And then there's my one band director, who I'm still terrified of. So by the time I get to rehersal, I'm already annoyed because of all the dumb couples, and then you add in all the reps of stuff, and then stir in being yelled at for not being perfect, and the threat of homework hanging in the air, it's not exactly a pleasant thing. And I'm not a pleasant thing either, especially when you factor in the cold, windy, rainy weather.
Don't mess with me.
But thank goodness, the homecoming dance is Saturday, and then the Saturday after that is the last marching band competition. I'll be all good after that, besides missing marching band.
And I will miss it, like you wouldn't believe. But I'll be happy to have the free time, too.
Lately, I'm ready to explode at any moment, and am just ready to get some more rest, relax some, and think about life, and other things.
I need time for friends, and studying.

Sorry this has been a pretty lame post, but I'm tired and am in the middle of watching a college football game. (Boise State vs Tulsa). If you'll recall, Boise State is possibly a college I'm interested in, despite the fact that it's almost the whole country away from where I live now. So I probably won't end up going there.

I'm off to watch some more of the game.

Peace, Magic, and Music,

~*Me*~

Ps- I'm going to steal Frank's idea, because I'm busy lately and don't have much time to write good posts. So, all two or something of you who read this, any questions? Comment them, and I'll answer them. Yeah.

Thursday October 8, 2009: Everything, and Someone Who Cares

Song on Repeat: "Maybe" by Secondhand Serenade
Mood: Tired, relieved
"It's a cold hard world
When you wake up
And I don't think that I
Have the strength
To let you go"

Oh my goodness. What a day. *slumps over*
So many things to discuss.
First, I want to tell, or remind you, that as hard as it is to believe for some people, I do not hate Aleks. Honest to Pete people, can you maybe believe that? What will it take?
Admittedly yes, I have good reason to be darn furious with the kid, to hate him, to ignore every text I ever recieved from him. But I'm not furious with him, I don't hate him, and I reply to every text I get from him.
So just ya know, to tell you. I had to get that out, because Lexie is still convinced that I hate him, even though I've told her multiple times that I don't. My friends are convinced that because I have good reason to hate him, I should. But I don't. Just fyi.

Of course, homecoming is drawing closer and closer, and I still don't know whether I'm going or not. It's something I should probably figure out in the near future though, eh?
I need....
-something to wear
-to know who I'm going with, as in which friends (of course)
-to know if Cynthia's going or not
-to decide if I'm even bothering to go.
Important stuff. Yeah. Of course, you'll know my decision when I....decide. Yeah.

I told my friend Jake about who I [may or may not] like, and it seems like it might have been bad luck. But I'm not sure. Because of course, confrontation has never been my thing. In fact, I hate it. I mean, I'm sure that it would be fine if I just said hi to the person. But I don't really have reason to. It would end up probably being pointless. Just maybe a "hi" though.
I always feel like when I like someone, the person will think I'm a loser and a creeper, so I don't bother doing anything about it, which probably ends up giving them that impression more. I can't help it! And then of course, nothing ever ends up happening, I get over the person, and life goes on, with me more determined to love life and enjoy being single.
But these days, I mean, cut me some slack! (btw, I've never really understood that phrase....just putting that out there). I haven't liked anyone since February, haven't liked anyone new since this time last year. I'm a different person than I was then, much more cautious, unsure, and nervous, but at the same time, more determined. Life is different; high school, marching band, and refusing to feel anything or bothering to like someone. So for the first time in months, I'm opening up, and taking the chance with liking someone. We'll see what happens, probably nothing. But you know, there's that feeling. That happy, tight, nervous feeling in your stomach every time you look at the person. The smile that stays on your face if you talk to them.
It's a feeling I was annoyed with before, but now, I'm trying to maybe give it another try.

Regarding band. We have a competition on Saturday, a regional, that we might or might not even end up doing, because so many people are missing from the band this week. We're all sick. It's freaking awful. We will just have to wait and see what happens with the competition.
As for regular band, it's alright. We played an actual piece of music the other day, I was soooo happy! My whole face like lit up when they passed out the music. Even though it was a piece for elementary school, I was thrilled out of my mind to be playing actual music. Something that wasn't a warm up, marching band music, or pep tunes.
So even though it was the type of music that could drive a person out of their mind because it's so easy it's hard, I was so happy to be playing it.
I hate being in concert band though. I feel so inadequate. All the other bands are doing music that's hard and they've been playing it. We did only warm ups for like three whole classes, and before that, pep tunes. Which I had to play anyways for marching band, but they make everyone play them at first.
So by now, playing elementary school level music with about 5 or 6 notes in it is like a freaking dream come true. Tom says they have another piece for us that's that easy too, a level 1. He said it was awful.
I hate concert band because playing that makes me feel so inadequate, even though I'm so happy to be playing it, that's my point. And I'm excited to play it tomorrow.

So anyways, isn't it nice to have friends who care about you? Who are, say, the Drum Major?
Who know you better than you know yourself.
Who can tell what you're thinking, or what you want, even when you haven't told them.
Who you can tell about your problems, and your friend understands.

Like michael, for example. I was thinking about this the other night.
His girlfriends come and go, and I'll never think that any of them are good enough for him. They'll bring out the good and the bad in him, but he'll always be the same person to me. Time will pass, and he'll always be my best friend. And if someday, we're separated, I'll always remember him, for the rest of my life. The best friend who I knew since before I was two, who was a brother to me, who helped me with my problems, and I helped him with his.
We know each other so well that it's crazy.
I know that he knows me that well, and cares, and will always be there when I need him.

Andrew[the Drum Major] called because I'm not at rehersal right now, and he wanted to make sure that I was ok and that I'd be at practice tomorrow. It's good to know that he cares, even though we haven't had a chance to talk lately.
Friends are wonderful.

So I'm off to get ready for bed, I'm exhausted! I almost fell asleep in physics today!

Peace, Magic, and Music,

~*Me*~

Monday October 5, 2009: Returning, Band [of Course], and Among Other Things

Song on Repeat: "Vulnerable" by Secondhand Serenade

Mood: Tired, coughing

"Slow down girl,

You're not goin' anywhere.

Just wait around and see,

Maybe I'm much more"

Ay caramba. Well, I'm back. Where are the flowers? The confetti? The....oh, never mind.

I'll just stomp in, plop down in the computer chair, and start typing. Hmph.

So guess what? I'm sick. Again. Flu, baby! Woot woot! [not.]

Don't you just love how this happens to me? Yeah. This is lovely, I keep freaking coughing constantly, which is, I'm sure, annoying everyone around me, not just me. The poor people I sit near in class. I probably wouldn't mind too much if they strangled me at this point. The coughing is driving me insane. But....I WILL SURVIVE!

Yeah.

So on Thursday, I had an orthodontist appointment, and I left school early, not feeling well, but going to the orthodontist. So by the time I left, I wasn't feeling all that great, and we went to the orthodontist, I found out when I'm getting my braces off (the 29th, baby!!!!!!), and we drove home. I was going to go upstairs and get dressed for band rehersal at a fairly local college, where our competition this weekend is, when I finally decided that I felt so bad, I didn't want to keep faking feeling alright, and told The Mother that I was feeling rather awful. With what turned out to be a 100 degree temperature. Oh boy.

So no rehersal that night, no school or football game the next day, and Saturday was our competition.

With lots of begging and bargaining, The Parentals allowed me to reherse for the afternoon rehersal (I sat out in the morning), and I took a rest at home during our break time before getting dressed and performing the show.

I'll give you the short version, we won!!!!!!!! Again. Woot!!!!!

Besides having to worry about marching band, homework, me getting over my sickness, now the threat of Homecoming is coming up. Shoot.

It's less than thirteen days away, and I still have no idea what in the name of Merlin's pants I'm wearing.

I don't want to wear the same thing as everyone else, that's just boring. Of course, as I'm 99.9% sure that I won't have a date, it doesn't matter all that much. But it's my first homecoming, I mean seriously, what am I expecting?

Well, for one thing, not much. If it wasn't for the fact that these are my only high school years, and therefore I want to do everything I can to have fun and remember them, I probably wouldn't want to be going so much.

(Oh yeah, and the person who I may or may not like. But that's a whole different issue. I know, it's a shock! What happened to all of my little "issues"? I don't know. They're still there, but I'm trying to keep them from being so strong. Whatever).

there's the awesome car for sale down the road that looks something like this. It's a Chevy Nova, which I want, even though it's still at least two years until I get my liscense. Wishful thinking.

So anyways, now I'm off to shower and watch some Monday Night Football!

Peace, Magic, and Music,

~*Me*~