Mood: really tired
"All we are, we are
All we are, we are
And every day is the start
Of something beautiful"
Well, hello again!! Told ya I'd be back!
This will be my attempt, with less than an hour, to fill you in on everything that's been going on in my life lately.
As you know, I've been at marching band, which is the main reason I haven't posted anything in over two weeks.
Band Camp went surprisingly well this year!!! Pretty much as well as spending that many hours a day, at least nine, together with the same people in the hot and the rain, etc. every day for two weeks (minus the weekend).
We got a ton done!!! We learned drill for all of parts 1, 2, and 3, and memorized all four parts of the show! Which is awesome. Now all we have to learn is part four, which is kind of a terrifying prospect because, to be honest, it's a rather fast tempo - 176 the whole time - and we're pretty much sprinting around the field for all of part two, so any more running may result in half of the band collapsing in the middle of the field. No big deal.
This camp was also different for me because of how I was mentally "there." I've been thinking of a way to explain this in a post since the first week.
This year, without really putting in more effort, I was able to mentally separate myself from all of the pain, sweat, etc. that I was feeling, and make myself just totally focused on whatever we worked on. In a way, basically the entire camp was like an out of body experience. I was seriously able to just ignore everything that could distract me, like sweating so that I looked like I just got out of a pool, or standing out in the pouring down rain, or having a pulled muscle in my butt, or being really freaking tired.....yeah. So the camp went a lot better because I wasn't marching around feeling like death. Well, I was, but it was just easier. I can't explain it exactly, but maybe that gives you an idea of it.
Another band related thing I have to tell you......remember my secret that I was so excited about, but didn't want to risk anyone in my family reading it?
Well, they know now. The secret is that....I'm conducting Part One on the podium!!!! I get to salute, and start the show!!
It's really exciting. I'm one of the only Assistant Drum Majors from our school to ever get to conduct part of the show on the podium, if not the only one (I'm not sure).
So that is my main news that is band related.
Now on to other things. (Justin, I hope you're reading this). ;-)
This summer has been the best summer I've ever had. Seriously.
It's been so much fun, what with DMA and Camp being ah-mazing, and then marching band being so fun and exciting, spending lots of time with almost all of my friends (not all of them unfortunately, and not enough with some of them), and being given the wonderful gift of dating one of my best friends for six weeks.
On Tuesday, we broke up because he's going back to college (well, he's already there). It was.....an emotional experience. And going to band rehearsal right after leaving his house was not a pleasant experience.....I was sort of just.....numb.
This week has not been a barrel of laughs. At all.
I'm not saying this for pity, or to be dramatic, I'm just stating fact: I've been a mess. Band was better on Wednesday, because it took my mind off of everything for a few hours. I yelled as loud as I could when giving commands and when counting, because that also helped with distraction.
This is sort of bringing back memories of The Aleks Incident because, it's kind of similar, but 99% different.
I miss Justin, and I miss everything we had this summer, because it was so great. So fun, and hilarious and exciting, and....just everything. But I'm glad that we're still best friends. No, things won't be the same as they were all summer, but that's okay. What's meant to happen will happen, and is happening. I'm happy we're still able to be best friends and in each others lives, no matter how much it freaking hurts, or how much I've cried, or the sleep that's been evading me all week. When we're older, or maybe even sooner than that, who knows what will happen?
But for now, I guess I'm just happy knowing that we're still best friends that care so much about each other, living only an hour away.
Another painful thing this summer has been the fact that one of my best friends, Teresa, is now at college. And she left on Tuesday morning, which was horrendous timing. I guess all of my problems started on Tuesday! Haha.
Yeah, I miss her so freaking much. I miss all of my friends, but her maybe the most. Her leaving is pretty much like how Cynthia was in a camp out of state for like, half of the summer, except this is for even longer.
She's having tons of fun and I'm happy and excited for her, but I also miss her like crazy!!!! And she hasn't even been gone for a week. I love you, HP <3
So the moral of the story is that I wish this summer never ever had to end. I'd like it if things went back to the way they were a week or two ago (I say two because then Michael would still be home). I like that a freaking ton.
But I know that it's not going to happen (obviously), but I'd be so happy if it did. I miss everyone and the way things have been, but it's okay. Not preferable, but.....there's really nothing I can do about it. (Hey, does anyone have a time machine????!!).
When I'm upset, I tend to look at my quote book for comfort, probably because as you know, humans crave someone to identify with. They want to know they're not alone in how they feel, because often, it seems like they are. I always look for quotes or songs that I can relate to for comfort for that very reason.
On Tuesday, when I was struggling to find words, and deal with everything right after we broke up, I told Justin a quote, and also made it my status on Facebook. It's sort of become my mantra this week: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours." There's another part on the end of that which I try to ignore, because it's sort of negative. "......If it doesn't, it never was."
Somehow, I know that everything will be okay. I'm so thankful for all of my friends, no matter where they are right now. And I'm lucky to have all of them.
Sorry this was kind of a bizarre post.
I'm off to finish getting ready to go shopping!! Hopefully retail therapy will help.
Peace, Magic, and Music,
~*Me*~
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